Well, the Colonel has gone walkabout, some of us were at Inverloch Jazz Festival, and Captain Chaos was left to wrangle the troops on his own..We had hoped that Madge from Altona might be there, but she was stuck in Refinery Terrace trying to sort out a virus on her computer. Turns out she needn’t have bothered as she could find a virus that would go near it..

Hortense is totally besotted with a Nigerian High Court judge with a money problem and a propensity to ask for her details by e-mail. She keeps sending them, but it turns out the inside leg measurement and a list of her peculiar fancies isn’t what he was after.