Jam Session News: and The Colonel makes a desperate plea for moolah

Some folks have said that I am much too negative and critical about the regular musical train wrecks at the sheltered workshop for the musically challenged. It has been whispered that I should realize that not everyone can cope with having their weekly attempts to ruin songs in new ways that are done to death , constantly lambasted and made into the source of mirth and derision. There is an alternative:

The true Punjabi in me (yes I am half Punjabi but not a Colonel) could always succumb to the Indian and Pakistani scourge of corruption, kickbacks and accepting gratuities in exchange for fair coverage… if the price is right. Larger sums sent to my postal address in the form of a money order will elicit a burst of obsequious and unrealistically fawningly positive praise for even those who could best be described as a singing defective, or pitch/rhythm recognition bypass/lobotomy operation patient.

The Jazz jam started off modestly with hardly enough jammers to make enough sound to offend anyone. That changed as the old and new faces rolled in after 5 pm. This scribe was heard on Bass with pianist Jeff rolling out the bedsheet sized charts of some hoary old chestnuts. I will have get him an old new real fake book compendium on a CD. I was then on drums for a song or two until Ratty Hirsch and Allan Richards ( no relation to Keef other than a similar nicotine habit ) appeared armed with sticks and brushes. They used these to play the drums with and not to do me evil harm in retribution for my ramblings here. Also on Bass was the fusion soloist Carlton sahib , who likes to play like Jaco on acid the whole time. The band or the Planet Earth may not be related to his expositions at all. Peter, the ponytailed disciple of perplexing charts chimed in on bass in yet another trial by fire. All those chords racing by so fast……

Pianists included Gentleman John Curtis, a late appearance by Ted Woollan and this scribe on the electric piano backing Debbie warbling through “Don’t get around much anymore” and “ Meditation a.k.a Medication “ by A. C. Jobim.

Mauricio and Anita played the same guitar but not at the same time. Chico (guitar) was baffled by “Seven Steps to Heaven “ but found his chance to shine on other tunes. Fermin N. also did battle with many songs that may or may not be have been familiar to him on the guitar.

The Horns were blown by the Captain of chaos and Simon de France on the Alto saxophone who shredded the solo on “ Route 66”. If the Blues is the devil’s music then Simon added another 6 to Route 66.

Kevin the bespectacled warbler took being out of sync. with the music to new heights and thrived on coming in at bizarre times and places often in another key altogether. Lovely voice too. Audrey from Belgium and Kay from Darwin also did their best to entertain people by singing. Audrey sang in French which is a good way to go if you can’t remember the words. Anne Smith led the jammers through some train wrecks and some passable renditions of I am not sure what. The term ‘rendition’ is associated in the USA with torture or confession obtained by coercion. This could be true of the Jazz Jammers ‘ approach to music in general. Bruce ( drums) and Chrissie ( vocal ) later appeared and did their usual thing, including murdering Valerie, and none too soon..

The highlight for music that almost sounded like modern jazz was an impromptu version “ Blue Nile”, the 1960’s Blue Note Wayne Shorter tune. As the Captain said “ we snuck in some decent stuff in there in between the usual rubbish” or words to that effect.

If you spy somebody who can play “ Seven Steps to Heaven “ at 220 BPM on any instrument during the week then bring them along. Be sure to get them to play the Marcel Marceau version as a kindness to others.

Next week’s Jam will be a debacle, due to folks going to Hall’s Gap. Turn up anyway!

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