My name is Ndugood. I am a wealthy Nigerian prince who loves the
jazz of music.
I am seeking your help to move $200,000,000 from my checking account
here in Nigeria to the United States. I too love the jazz of music and
am planning to flee to America to open many jazz clubs at which I
would like you to perform.
You will receive $42,000 a night, plus a meal.
My new “Tribal Village Vanguard” clubs will be of great success and
you will become rich like the rest of American jazz musicians.
I have already applied for building exemptions to allow thatched
stages and the spearing of live animals. But I desperately need your
help. My tribe, the Swindlisi, a peaceful jazz-loving people, has been
horribly oppressed by the ruling military junta, which despises the
jazz of music.
My father, an exiled king and booking agent, was recently imprisoned
under the Draconian “three gigs – you’re out” law, and now I must flee
my beloved country with all of my improbable wealth – But I need help
in moving it.
I have so much money that it will not fit in the allotted two checked
bags and one carry-on. I am therefore want to transfer the money
through your ATM system (The Nigerian ATM system cannot exchange
international currencies; it only converts “antelope to money”). So
please to just provide me with your full name and address, social
security number, bank account and PIN numbers, and you will become
incredibly (literally) rich from playing many jazz gigs.
(Note: normal Nigerian Musician’s Union rules apply: three hour
performances, two 15 minute breaks allowed, musicians to provide their
own mosquito nets, one open fire per bandstand, one free meal plus
anything you kill).
Act now. The first ten musicians to respond will receive a free copy
of the Nigeria’s Greatest Jazz Hits CD, by our beloved ‘Disoriented’
Gillespie Band, which contains the hits:
* The Night Has A Thousand Flies ,
*Goodbye Shrunken Head ,
* Here’s That Rainy Season ,
* Just Tribesmen (Lovers No More) ,
*Take the ‘A’ Trail ,
* When I Fall In Quicksand ,
* Half-Nelson Mandella ,
*Blue Monkey ,Leopard Skins and Moonbeams ,
*Blue Mombossa ,
*Almost Like Being In Lagos,
*Sunny Side of the Goatpath
*I Didn’t Know What Century It Was .
Thank you for your many help.
Your inordinately wealthy Nigerian brother…